Listening to: The Whole Brain Child by Daniel Siegel and Tina Payne Bryson. Margaritaville by Jimmy Buffett (don’t ask why, I have no answers). Wild + Free Podcast. All things Ed Sheeran.
Wearing: This category is a little different this time around. I’ve pretty much been living in leggings and a t-shirt or tunic and Birkenstocks. That’s it. So this is more of a ‘lusting over’ list.
Loving: Design planning for the house (t-minus 1.5 months until we move!). Early mornings. Sunday farmer’s market.
Eating/drinking: For June, I gave up buying coffee out- which is HUGE for me- and junky processed foods like chips and cereal. The point of it is to become more conscious of what I’m putting in my body and to spend less on lattes, which really adds up considering I get alternative milk.
Quinoa Salad. Homemade mac and cheese. Salt and pepper popcorn. Iced coffee with coconut milk. Still celery and sunbutter.
I am one to hide and suffer in silence when I struggle. I will sit in the car for fifteen minutes after arriving to the doctor’s office because I’m nervous to go inside. It’s been this way for as long as I can remember but it’s gotten much harder to stay quiet after having a kid. They are going to continue needing to eat every few hours, need clean nappies and constant stimulation regardless of whether you’re feeling A+ or not. Shoot, sometimes dontcha just wish they’d even let you get to a B- before they start screaming again?
I don’t complain in real life. Instead, I remind myself patience and love CONSTANTLY. For example, Evie had probably one of the most explosive days last week. It was wet and smelly and she was very upset about being dirty. You could probably hear me two houses over yelling “patience and love, patience and love, PATIENCE AND LOVE” while I scrubbed the carseat. This is how I stay level headed. This is how I cope.
Why can I have so much patience and endless amounts of love for the children but so very little for myself?
This is my battle cry, I suppose. This is me admitting that this shit is HARD. Budgeting, breastfeeding, showering, socializing, it is all kicking me in the rear. The older I get, the more I realize the surrender is the turning point. As soon as you admit and release your burdens, the universe will rush to your side.
I somehow stumbled upon a ‘current’ post, where the person laid out what they were into, whether it was food or clothing or other blogs. I. Was. Fascinated. Why was such a simple thing so interesting to read?! Maybe it has to do with my infinite love for lists, but nevertheless I want to make it a thing around here. I think including pictures of what’s happening is the best way to go for us to really turn into a good summary.
Listening to: Titus Haug’s album ‘There Is Time’. Up and Vanished podcast. This Is Us playlist on Spotify.
Wearing: Ergobaby (constantly). We have the original carrier and Evelyn is just about big enough to use it without the Infant Insert. Nike Dri Fit hat. Luca+Grae tunic. Target t-shirts (they were on sale).
Loving: Taking pictures of Evie. Hiking during naptime. We’re working our way through a trail book and having so much fun doing so. My new SUV. Family time every Sunday.
Looking forward to: My first Mother’s Day. A local bubble park party. Starting Evie in swim lessons so so soon. Going back to school.
Eating and drinking: Homemade curry, loaded with vegetables. We’ve been loving this super simple recipe. Coffee Mate coconut creamer in sweet cream. Celery and sunbutter.
Life is unexpected. B and I were so young when we found out a little sprout was growing in my belly. Both of us were working full-time and living in two separate houses. We were still learning bits and pieces about each other; in fact, we’re still learning. Sometimes it feels like we entered parenthood too soon, like a phase of our lives ended too early. I haven’t finished school yet, he works more than ever, and we never went on that big road trip we talked about. We argue about the silliest things and pick at each other when really we both need to lift each other up. It’s tough to find a minute to have a conversation away from the subjects of dirty diapers and who is going to walk the dog that day.
I often get frustrated with the lack of help I get taking care of Evie during the day and forget to remember that she isn’t going to be this little forever. It can be irritating when she wants nothing but for mommy to hold her so she can sleep, and trust me. I feel so guilty for feeling that way. Sometimes I don’t want to be touched. Sometimes I just want to be alone. I miss more than anything being able to go on a run for an hour or two and process everything going on in my life. But none of that is going to be the same, even if it did go back to the way it was before baby girl. I am a different person, I am morphing into a new human being, and I have to remember to look at life (and myself) gently.
I appreciate this phase of life for teaching me patience and appreciation.
Evelyn is the greatest joy in our lives. Nothing makes me love life more than seeing her smile. Sure, it’s tough when she just doesn’t want to nap and the dishes are piled so high. She will not remember that, though. She WILL remember how warm it was to be worn against my chest and rocked for hours at a time. And when she’s older, she may need to be held in that familiar way again. Her emotions are so delicate and she’s still so little… Crying for a long time sure hurts her heart. And I want to remember all of the little things. One day, we won’t share all hours of the day together.
Be love and comfort, mama, the kids need it now more than ever.