I am one to hide and suffer in silence when I struggle. I will sit in the car for fifteen minutes after arriving to the doctor’s office because I’m nervous to go inside. It’s been this way for as long as I can remember but it’s gotten much harder to stay quiet after having a kid. They are going to continue needing to eat every few hours, need clean nappies and constant stimulation regardless of whether you’re feeling A+ or not. Shoot, sometimes dontcha just wish they’d even let you get to a B- before they start screaming again?
I don’t complain in real life. Instead, I remind myself patience and love CONSTANTLY. For example, Evie had probably one of the most explosive days last week. It was wet and smelly and she was very upset about being dirty. You could probably hear me two houses over yelling “patience and love, patience and love, PATIENCE AND LOVE” while I scrubbed the carseat. This is how I stay level headed. This is how I cope.
Why can I have so much patience and endless amounts of love for the children but so very little for myself?
This is my battle cry, I suppose. This is me admitting that this shit is HARD. Budgeting, breastfeeding, showering, socializing, it is all kicking me in the rear. The older I get, the more I realize the surrender is the turning point. As soon as you admit and release your burdens, the universe will rush to your side.